It seems like only yesterday, but actually it was over 70 years ago, that the first, and one of the best, of all self-help books was published. Fortunately, or unfortunately, it didn’t even try to pretend a relationship to the Bible. “How to Win Friends and Influence People” was written by Dale Carnegy. It was first published in 1936. It has been in my library; it may still be hidden there somewhere, and I have read it at least once. Although it was written from a humanistic point of view, and therefore there are things with which I disagree, it is still worth the time to take and read. Probably its faults lay more in what it doesn’t teach than what it does.
Let me give you a quick summary of “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Rouse in the other person an eager want. Six Ways to Make People Like You. Become genuinely interested in other people. Smile. Remember that a man’s Name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Talk in the terms of the other man’s interest. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. Avoid arguments. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never tell someone they are wrong. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Begin in a friendly way. Start with questions the other person will answer yes to. Let the other person do the talking. Let the other person feel that the idea is his. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. Sympathize with the other person. Appeal to noble motives. Dramatize your ideas. Throw down a challenge. How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to other people’s mistakes indirectly. Talk about your own mistakes first. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face. Praise every improvement. Give them a fine reputation to live up to. Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.
One of the things which Carnegy doesn’t say, is stated by Paul in this morning’s scripture. “Don’t be too full of yourself.” Perhaps this one point brings up the primary difference between secular self-help and true Biblical character. I remember when people use to say, “I’ve been to a Dale Carnegy class;” “I’ve been to a Carnegy seminar.” It was said with a kind of pride, as if that was suppose to make him a better person than the next guy. Without saying so, this attitude borders on our native desire for self-deification. Carnegy’s book teaches us how to conquer other people, without their realization that they have been conquered. This kind of self-improvement and self-help are logical steps toward self-deification. And even though what Paul teaches us in verse 3 may be one of the best things that any of us could ever do to improve our relationship with others – to win friends and influence people – it involves the complete destruction of ego and pride, and in some ways stands in contrast to the general theme of Mr. Carnegy’s book. Christianity does not need more humanistic logic and worldly psycho-babble. We need God’s word – we need the application of God’s Word.
In this verse Paul attacks one such Christian sin – pride. “For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” From what I am told, the English language cannot adequately express the complicated play on words which is found in this verse. Putting it as simply as possible, Paul exhorts us, “not to be high-minded above what we ought to be minded, but so to be minded as to be sober-minded.”
I realize that I touched on this sort of thing Wednesday in looking at David, but it seems that the Lord is telling us that we need a good dose of this lesson right now. David, the son of Jesse, was a sinner like all the rest of us. And he had to fight against his sin-nature and many specific sins throughout his life. For example, he was guilty of the abuse of power, pride, murder, adultery, and other sins. But he was also one of God’s elect – both saved from his sin and chosen by God to a very special office. In that David and his predecessor Saul were both elected to the same office, each winning by one vote – God’s vote – it means that in some ways they can be compared. Even though David was not completely victorious in living these principles, Saul was a complete failure.
What Paul says is: “Don’t measure your value with things that essentially have no value.” Let’s say that I emptied my Monopoly game box of all of its play money, and then I went to a car dealer telling him that I want to pay cash for a new car. He would laugh me off his lot. I know that many people don’t think there is much difference between Monopoly money & Federal Reserve money, but until the government and the economy pull the plug, for practical purposes there is a difference. Trying to buy something with Monopoly money is not much different than trying to say that we are better than the next person, because our hair is darker or our feet are smaller. People often think of themselves more highly than they ought to think because they have more talent for this or that. Here is someone who has great musical ability, does that make him better than the person who can speed-read with complete understanding and retention? They second person will probably argue that he is the better. Here is someone who can do complicated math in his head, but he hasn’t a clue how to be a friend. And here is another with a big house and a huge bank account – does that make him important? David was a king, but did that make him a better person than Eliab, his brother? I like to use unfamiliar words, because they are fun, and I like to stretch my own vocabulary, but that doesn’t make me any smarter than the person who says the same thing with simpler words, in fact, that person may be more effective in expressing himself than I am, because people understand him better. The way that we compare ourselves, and boost our self-image, is the way the unsaved behave generally. It is the way that the world behaves; it is a very worldly thing to do. There is nothing wrong in excelling in certain things, but it is sinful to think that those areas of excellence make us better than others.
And here is the point: Notice that verse 3 begins with the word “for.” That means that the message of this verse is an amplification or explanation of the previous thought. And the previous thought was, “be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This business of comparing ourselves to others with the purpose of self-inflation is worldly and sinful. As Christians it is our obligation to try think as the Lord thinks, at least as far as our native limits permit.
At this point, I need to flip the coin over and address the other side. Do you remember how I paraphrased this exhortation? “Don’t be high-minded above what you ought to be minded, but be minded with a sober-mind.” Don’t think more highly of yourself than you ought to think. But don’t go to the other extreme either and pretend that you are less than what you really are. Let’s say that Rachel listens to Austin, and she decides that she doesn’t play the piano as well as he plays the banjo. What if she uses this comparison to conclude that she shouldn’t play the piano for the glory of God? (I believe that I can use that illustration because they are both excellent players.) But the piano and the banjo are like comparing apples and oranges. Turning to Paul’s context and looking a little closer, let’s say that the Lord is calling some young man into the ministry, but he decides that because he doesn’t know or use Brother Oldfield’s fancy words, it must mean that he’s unqualified to preach the gospel? Not so. Some people turn what Paul is saying inside out, in order to make excuses for themselves. We are commanded not to think more highly than we ought to think, but at the same time, what we ought to think, we ought to think.
In the English language, what is the oppose condition to “soberness” or “sobriety”? A sober person is not “drunken,” and a drunk is not sober. There is more to the word than that, but this is undoubtedly true. In Greek this word refers to a “soundness of mind.” Someone drunken with alcohol may think that he is smart and even sober, but he is not. The reason that drunk drivers are so dangerous is because they are incapable of reacting wisely and quickly to the problems of the road. But this is only one area where they lack wisdom. For example, from what I understand alcohol is involved in the vast majority of violent crime. And the various forms of immorality and immodesty are often fueled by alcohol. Thousands of accidents are caused by drunkenness. This kind of drunken behavior is irrational. Similarly, the man, especially the Christian man, who thinks more highly than he ought to think is irrational. He is inebriated, or drunken, with pride or some aspect of his position or character. And as a drunk he is unfit and incapable of serving God properly. The solution to this problem of misjudgment and bad judgment is to think about ourselves objectively – wisely, prudently and modestly.
And this brings us back to the Lord Himself. Why was David made the king of Israel, replacing Saul? Besides whatever we might see in David and say about David, it was due to the election of God. After Saul became king we see his heart swelling with pride until it exploded in the puss of sinful corruption. When he became king, David continued to see himself as nothing more than the man God blessed. And similarly, by what logic can I boast of my salvation and deliverance from sin? It is excluded. There is nothing that I possess in my hand, in my head, or in my heart which has not been given to me by the Lord. When I look at myself soberly, without the drunkenness of pride, I realize that I am just a sinner saved by grace. Of course, that does mean that I am a saint of God, but it is to God that all praise must be given.
Do you suppose that Paul was ever tempted to think of himself as bigger than Apollos? They were both preachers of the gospel, servants of God, but only one was an apostle. I Corinthians 3:1 – “And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal? Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom ye believed, even as the Lord gave to every man?”
Then in I Corinthians 4 we read: “Let a man so account of us, as of the ministers of Christ, and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful. But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man’s judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self. For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord. Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God. And these things, brethren, I have in a figure transferred to myself and to Apollos for your sakes; that ye might learn in us not to think of men above that which is written, that no one of you be puffed up for one against another. For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it?” We have nothing in which to boast, except in those things which God has given to us. And if they have been given to us, then there is still nothing in which WE can boast. All that we can properly do is praise the Lord.
Paul teaches us that the yard-stick by which we measure ourselves must be the same as the Lord’s. And that takes us into the wonderful subject of “faith.” “Think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” Between those verses which we read from I Corinthians we are taken to the Judgment Seat of Christ. “For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is. If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.” What is the difference between works of wood, hay and stubble, and those of gold silver and precious stones? Among several important differences is the faith with which they are performed. “Whatsoever is not of faith is sin.” What is the criteria to be used in our sober estimation of ourselves? “The measure of our faith.” Preaching the gospel can be done in faith or without faith, and eloquence has nothing to do with God’s judgment of that preaching. We can play the piano for the glory of God and in faith, or we can do it for personal pleasure and for the applause of others. We can listen to the preaching of God’s Word in faith, or in the flesh with criticism.
And what is the source of this faith? The Bible clearly says that God is the author and source of faith. “According as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” Even for those who have new hearts, regenerated hearts, faith is still a gift of God. So even if we had a faith-tester, a lens through which we could look at every servant of God with which to measure that person’s faith, even for those with great faith, the praise could not properly be given to him, because he was only the recipient of God’s gift. The Lord is the source of anything and everything which is good in this world.
And similarly, He is the One in Whom it all begins. David, Paul, you and I were all born dead – dead in trespasses and sins. We had no more right to boast in anything than an ant can boast in the existence of the moon. But then along came the infinite grace of God – in exposing our sins and presenting the gospel. And even those things were nothing until the Lord dealt to us some measure of faith to believe. Salvation belongeth unto the Lord from beginning to ending, and all praise belongs to Him. But even after that, if we be in anyway useful in His service, the praise is still His. We are nothing except “according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.”
Do you have faith in Christ; are you sinner repentant before God? Have you publically confessed your saved relationship to the Lord? Only Christ can deliver from sin. Have YOU been delivered?