I wonder if that lawyer of Matthew 22 was related to the Pharisees of Matthew 15? Both that man and these had one primary intention – destroy the credibility of this one who claims to be the Messiah. But this time, much earlier than Matthew 22, the attack came related to one of their traditions. And it was the Lord who turned to the Law. “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” “If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”
Last week I looked at the Jewish tradition of “corban,” and how children could get out of honouring their parents and meeting their needs. All they had to do was say “corban” over something and it was supposed to become dedicated to God. After that, whatever it was could be kept from their parents, even though the wicked child might keep it for his own use. Rather than go over that material again, I thought that I’d use the Lord’s words in verse 4 to go back to Exodus 20 and the Lord’s commandment about filial relationships. “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” We all need to be reminded of our moral and natural duties as well as the command of God.
First, let’s consider the commandment itself.
Perhaps it would be good to notice what sort of things are not included in the Ten Commandments. Religious persecution has plagued our people since the very days of Cain and Abel, but there are no commandments specifically targeting religious persecution. And the harm of illegal narcotics in our society is undeniable, and yet there are no commandments against trafficking in drugs. It would have been good if the Lord had forbidden certain forms of genetic manipulation, but we read nothing about that here. And we don’t read anything in Exodus 20 about spousal abuse. The Lord doesn’t forbid the teaching of evolution, but He certainly could have. He doesn’t forbid the popping of knuckles, popping of gum and the chopping of finger nails in church. God doesn’t specifically give commandments for soldiers, U.S. Presidents or telephone solicitors. He doesn’t tell teachers how and what to teach, or plumbers how to plumb. There are very simply a lot of things that might have been included in the hundred and ten Commandments that we would have given the world if we had been God.
But Jehovah does tell us how sons and daughters should treat their mothers and fathers. That tells me that this is very, very important in the eyes of God. And it comes on the heels of the highest commands about our relationship and worship of God Himself. It is the first of the commandments dealing with human relationships. It appears to be more important than “Thou shalt not kill,” or thou shalt not commit adultery.” The Lord is not messing around with this business of the relationship between children and parents. You see, the family, generically speaking, is an extremely important and divinely instituted institution. Along with the Lord’s Church, it is the foundation of all orderly society. When the home decays, the church soon follows, and then so does the nation. When the church self-destructs, then quickly so does the family followed by the nation. And critical to the family is the maintenance the proper relationships between its members.
“Honor thy father and thy mother that thy days may be long upon land which the Lord giveth thee.” A third grade Sunday School teacher was talking about this commandment when she asked, “Are there any other commandments? Commandments about brothers and sisters?” One hand shot up and the little girl said, “Yes, there is. The Bible says, Thou shalt not kill.” Yes, the Bible teaches us how to strengthen the relationships within the family.
And part of those relationships is giving parents proper respect. As I was thinking about that last statement, I first wrote: “Part of the relationship that we ought to have is the giving of our parents the respect – that they deserve.” And then I realized the statement “that they deserve” might seem to give children authority to judge their parents. But kids don’t have the right to weigh their parents to determine how much respect that they should be given. I don’t read anything like that here in the scriptures. The Bible merely says, “Do it.” Furthermore the Bible doesn’t say, “show your parents respect.” “Shows” are for hypocrites; again the Bible simply says, “Do it.” Honor thy father and thy mother, whether anyone is watching or not. It may have been Jewish tradition to be able to “corban” something to keep it from someone’s parents, but it was contrary to the will and command of God.
This may sound harsh, but I believe it to be Biblically accurate to say that ….. children who call their parents “the old man and the old woman” are begging for the judgment of God. It might be argued that children who give orders to their parents are committing capital crimes. Remember that most of the edicts in the Ten Commandments carry the death penalty with them. Not only have we and our children been breaking this particular commandment for centuries, but it appears to be getting worse in these last days. It has only been recently, and with the help of the ACLU, that children began suing their parents. Only recently have children gone to court to divorce their parents. These things were unthinkable only a generation ago. They are unthinkable anyway.
Consider what we owe to our parents. First, we owe them life itself. They brought us into the world, and their blood flows in our veins. Then they poured out their love upon us when there was very little that was lovable in us. Most parents have loved their children every day of those children’s lives. Then there are the sacrifices that our parents have made for us. My father and mother were poor, hard-working people who never got a break in their lives. They died in debt, and one of the reasons for that was the sacrifice that they made for me and my sister. I lacked very little of importance while growing up. I had toys, education, music, clothing and opportunities – all through my parents. And as this point in my life I possess far more than my parents ever did. Again a part of this is due to the sacrifices that they made for me. And how much more today does it cost, financially and emotionally, to raise a child today?
Consider how strongly the Bible speaks against dishonoring parents. Exodus 21:15 – “And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death. Exodus 21:17 – “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.” God says that proper respect for parents is foundational to decency and morality. While the Pharisees may have ridiculously implied that Jesus’ disciples deserved to die for not washing their hands, Christ Jesus condemned them using well-known scriptures.
We honour our parents by obeying them. Paul said that “the powers that be are ordained by God” – Romans 13:1. This is true of all authority whether in the state or the church – or the home. God is absolutely sovereign, but He has in several limited ways placed His authority in the hands of others – like parents. Our parents are God’s representatives in our homes. We have no more right to disobey them than we do the Lord Himself. But, of course, the Lord would never command us to do something contrary to His holy nature. And neither will godly parents. Ephesians 6:1 – “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Modern society has changed this: “Parents obey your children – or there will be serious trouble.” If you don’t given them their every whim, some of them will do their utmost to shame and embarrass you before your neighbors – or before the law. The world, through television and other means, says, we will teach your children how to turn on you if you don’t let them rule your homes. If you don’t them their every whim, when you get to be old, they’ll commit you to nursing homes with a padlocks on the doors. Disobedience to parents in childhood almost always leads to crime against society. Here is a child 2 years old who is never taught to obey his Mom and Dad. “Don’t inhibit his creativity, the liberals tell his parents. He needs to figure out on his own the sorts of boundaries he’d like to have.” So as he grows up, and he runs wild, until he becomes a sort of savage. He is always discourteous, discontent, greedy, selfish and troublesome. In school he is a problem and outside of school he’s no more ready to obey than anywhere else. First, it’s minor problems in the neighborhood, but soon it becomes more serious matters against the law. The majority of major offenders in prisons today come from homes without discipline. Parents are doing the worst possible thing for their children, when the don’t enforce discipline. Those children may not like it at the time, but they will learn to see its importance later. Those parents may not like it at the time, but it is a necessary part of the job of parenting.
We honour our parents by caring for them in their old age. This was precisely the problem that Jesus addressed, and in a different way it continues today. One of the most serious social problems in the world is what to do with our elderly citizens. We have children advocating the extermination of their parents – mercy-killing and euthanasia. Others lock their parents away in state or private institutions. There occasions when specialized care is a necessity, but not to the extent that we see it today. It’s nothing more than octogenarian incarceration. There is not a shred of Christianity in much of the modern care of the elderly. I Timothy 5:8 applies here – “If any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. I know a man who gave every dime of his life savings to his father and never saw a penny of it returned. As far as I am concerned that is laying up treasure in Heaven.
Parents need to remember that they have apart in this equation too.
If parents expect to be honored they better be worthy of that honour. I know that the Lord doesn’t say, “If your parents are worthy of honour honour them.” Nevertheless parents should strive to be the best parents that God can make them to become. Just as children should respect the authorities over them, parents must live for Christ, respecting their Higher Authority.
Parents must bring up their children in the things of the Lord. This is not just a New Testament principle because we see it in Deuteronomy 4, 6 and 11. We have a mandate from God, to “bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of Him.” This doesn’t mean that we can pass this responsibility on to teachers or to the church. And we are responsible to lead our kids to Christ. The best time to reach people for the Lord is between the ages of 7 and 12. And those are the years that they are still at home. A woman saw a bird building a nest in a thicket close to the ground. That nest was still in the drawing stage, so the woman destroyed it. But the birds came back and started to rebuild in exactly the same place. Again the lady destroyed the nest. But again it was rebuilt, and soon there were eggs. But one day a snake found the next and ate the eggs. Parents, don’t build your nest too close to the ground. Give your children the highest standards of morality and character; by constantly living them. Give your children the Lord Jesus Christ. Give them a love and a respect for the House of God.
It was the Apostle Paul who pointed out that, unlike the other nine commandments…
There is also a promise built right into the fifth: “Children obey you parents in the Lord; for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise. That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” – Ephesians 5:1-3. God wrote: “Honour thy father and thy mother: that they days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
Children who properly honor their parents have the best chance of a good life, because God promises to bless them. I’m not saying that the Lord will make those children rich with the goods of the world. I’m not saying that they will all become influential or powerful people. But they will have the smile of God upon them.
If you have ever said an unkind or disrespectful word about your parents…. If you have ever said, “corban” to your parents…. thank God for His saving grace.