A month ago when I first noticed this verse looming on the horizon I mentally groaned. How can I teach this verse without in some way hurting those men who don’t have good wives? And what about our unmarried ladies? I certainly don’t want them to think they are not good Christians because of their situation. But actually my first thought was – how can I teach this verse without embarrassing my wife? Is there some way to bring out Solomon’s intentions without Judy thinking I’m speaking about her. Is there some way to keep her from thinking that the rest of you are thinking about her?

This is somewhat like last week’s verse 19 – was there any way for us not to think of specific individuals “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city.” I didn’t mention a single name, but I’m sure you may have thought of at least two.

Monday I at first thought, “Well, I’ll just skip over verse 22. And if anyone asks, I’ll just say that we’ve touched on it already.” And I believe we have – very briefly and very superficially considered this theme. But it was SO superficially, that would not really have been a good excuse not to at least point to it. Eventually I came to the conclusion that it is the will of God to address this verse tonight, even though it will not be with any great depth. So let’s all turn around and look at Judy for a moment and get that out of our system. This is not about her, and you shouldn’t think so even if I do.

“Whoso findeth a WIFE findeth a good thing.”

I don’t spend hours going through commentaries gleaning the opinions of others about these Proverbs. Usually I confine myself to 3 or 4 of my favorites, and when they agree with each other, I stop. In this case they all agree that the word “good” applies to both “a good thingand “a good wife.” Gill put it this way, “Whoso findeth a wife…. A good one; so the Septuagint, Vulgate Latin, Syriac, and Arabic versions supply it; and so the Targum.” We need to remember that Hebrew grammar and sentence structure are not like English, and their words are often arranged in a different order than English. Linguistically, the word “good” could apply to either or both the wife AND the good thing. And besides, this verse is not logical if this wife is not “good” – whatever that means. “Whoso findeth a bad wife, a wicked wife, a contrary wife, has not found a good thing, and certainly has not obtained God’s favor.” Solomon was talking about a GOOD wife.

To the best of my knowledge the words of this verse are all self-explanatory – even in English. There are no hidden or deeper meanings. So the word “wife” means exactly what you might think. But Matthew Henry DID make an appropriate comment: “He that finds a wife (that is, a wife indeed; a bad wife does not deserve to be called by a name of so much honour).” Technically, any female spouse, good or bad, can claim to be a man’s “wife,” but multitudes do not deserve the title. And conversely, there are millions of men who do not deserve the title husband.” And speaking of title” – I don’t know if he did so to the end of his life, but Bro. Ken Johnson would privately and playfully call Norma “wife,” and she would return the favor, saying things like “Yes, “husband.”

If we say that this is a good wife” what does the adjective mean? There is nothing said here about a physically beautiful wife – “a good-looking wife.” Over and over again, the Bible declares that genuine beauty has nothing to do with outward appearance. Real beauty is something which dwells within that person – male or female. It may be cliche, but it’s true – physical beauty IS only skin deep. And furthermore, while it may be here today, it very likely will be gone tomorrow.

My commentators suggested several ideas as to what constitutes a “good wife.” One spoke about a person with a good nature, and I can certainly see Solomon agreeing with that. “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.” A good natured person, man or woman, is not contentious or angry by nature. Other synonym-suggestions were “wise,” “prudentand industrious.” Proverbs 19:14 – “a prudent wife is from the LORD.” The woman described in chapter 31 is certainly industrious, contributing to the family financially through her handicrafts and home-spun clothing. I was surprised not to find in my quick search that there were no references to “loving,” “motherly,” or “sympathizing” as synonyms for “good.” But there were fingers pointing back to Genesis “Whoso findeth a good helpmeet findeth a good thing.” I finally decided that perhaps the Spirit intentionally left us without a definition. Different husbands with different needs may find a good and perfect wife who is very different from the couple living next door.

But if I might, I think there is something significant hidden under the blanket of “good.” A good nature might be something taught by parents and learned by a child – by a young girl. But isn’t true “goodness” a gift of God? In teaching an important lesson the Lord Jesus pointed out, “Why callest thou me good, there is none good but God.” Shouldn’t the Christian look at this verse and pull from it a reference to CHRISTIAN character? The truly good person is “good” not because he/she has been taught good manners, proper speech – when to talk and when to shut up. The truly good person is a new creature in Christ – someone born from above. A good wife is indwelt by the Holy Spirit and her goodness is displayed more and more, the more she is surrendered and filled with the Spirit. Perhaps we should read this verse as “Whoso findeth a GODLY wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.”

“Whoso FINDETH a wife FINDETH a good thing.”

As I thought about the word “findeth” my mind drifted back to one of the Lord’s parables. A woman who had ten pieces of silver couldn’t find them all one day. So what did she do? Jesus said, “Doth she not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently til she find it?” Finding suggests a search.

I have a problem picturing that woman holding a candle while sweeping. Doesn’t that require three hands? Can sweeping be done with one hand? Perhaps. Maybe she has a headlamp type candle, or perhaps she is holding a waxed candle in her mouth as she sweeps. She probably just put the candle down where the light might shine into the corners of her house. But might we make an application with that candle? Can’t we apply that candle to the Holy Spirit or perhaps to the Word of God? This young man who is searching for a wife, should do so with his eyes open – but also with his heart asking for divine direction. “Lord you know better than I who is truly good. I may not know the real character of this person for some time. Guide me for your sake and glory.”

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a GOOD thing.”

Why or how is it a good thing to find a good wife? Again, I suppose the details may be different for every married couple. But perhaps the key is to go back to those words “help meet.” Genesis 2:18 – “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:20 – “And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” I don’t know if you have ever noticed, but “help” and “meet” are two separate words. We might speak of an “helpmeet,” but God said, “I will make him someone fit to help him” – meet to help.

I do not hold to the cliche that when it comes to relationships, opposites are the best thing for a marriage. The opposite to a Christian would be a Muslim or an atheist, and such a marriage would be a disaster. Rarely are “good” spouses complete opposites. But very, very often, they learn to supply what the other lacks – filling in the gaps in each other. They are two halves, which coming together, make a complete unit – a whole. One might think with the heart, while the other thinks with the head. One is a disciplinarian, while the other leads by love. One focuses on the physical needs of the children, while the other cares for the spiritual. You can probably think of other examples. (For example, one makes all the money while the other spends it.)

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtainedth FAVOUR of the Lord.”

For those who are married to good wives, there is quick agreement with Solomon’s statement. But we all need to remember that God favors different people differently. Was Paul married during those years when he was a missionary/evangelist? Many experts say that he may have been married, but in later life, he was not. Did ye enjoy the favor of the Lord whether married or not? Of course he did. Was Daniel ever married? No he was not. As much as he might have longed for the comfort of a helpmeet, he never had one. But did he obtain the favor of God? Yes, he did.

God’s blessings come in a variety of ways. And a good wife is one of those divine favors. But there are others. And we should learn not covet the favors which God hath bestowed on another person. I don’t know how else to express it except through the word of God – “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” Hebrews 13:5.